sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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