my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
