This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Found your dick twin last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
