Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
