I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
