drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I AM VODKA MAN
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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