I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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