Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize