I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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