thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
