Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
