If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
