He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
