Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize