Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
