You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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