Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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