boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
