i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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