Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
