dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
