i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
