arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
