It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
