I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
