You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
