I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
