I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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