He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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