Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
