I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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