Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
