I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
