So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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