my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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