If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
