I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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