I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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