I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Pooping to opera.
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