I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
