I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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