I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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