**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
