I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize