Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
