Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Someone shattered a urinal.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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