We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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