i think my mom watched the whole time
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
