12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize