i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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