Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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