Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
