is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
