Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kiss
Puke
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
