"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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