Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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