This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
