No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
