You're a womanizer and a bitch.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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