I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
