wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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