Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
