He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
