in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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