this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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