I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
