Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's never too late to be topless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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