Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Shame is for Republicans.
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