Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
