He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
