jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
