If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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