I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
