I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize