I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
