No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
